It's sad, and yet I suppose not terribly surprising, that I'm not used to an appropriate reaction to, "Something you do is hurting my feelings."
It feels utterly conditional. I am often very anxious about him, thinking there's a decent chance I'll never hear from him again, that something I say or do might all too easily cause him to disappear forever.
It's a feeling about a fantasy scenario. It's a big feeling, an intense feeling, and it's about a nonexistent situation.
It's second nature to want to defend against being excited about someone. When I was a teenager and through my early 20s, showing excitement over a guy would cause my mother and grandmother to panic. Their faces would freeze with fear for my well being as they'd say, "Don't get too excited, you hardly know... Continue Reading →
Instead of, “Hey, this is nice. How lovely,” the heart screams, “Let’s think about how awful it will feel if this ends.”
The relationship before the one with the Narcissist was with a guy who had a son. I used to call his son, "Kiddo." It was our thing, Kiddo and I. I loved that kid. It's been seven years since I saw him last and I still think of him frequently; probably more often than I... Continue Reading →
This is a follow-up post to one from Wednesday of this week, where I expressed eagerness and excitement about seeing a man again. I expressed happiness that my guard wasn't up. There isn't a thing about this guy that is making me nervous. Our evening together on Wednesday was wonderful. He's an absolute delight to... Continue Reading →
Only a few more hours until I see him again. We went out last Wednesday night. We met for drinks. We had chatted intermittently on OKCupid for over a month. The infrequency of our chatter and the delay in meeting was more my fault than his. The holiday season was busy to the point of... Continue Reading →